Sideway Stories

Monday, September 24, 2012

Do you remember that book, Sideway Stories from Wayside School?  Oh man, I loved that book.  It's about this messed up school where, instead of the classrooms being built all in a row next to each other were accidentally built one on top of another.  I'm pretty sure I read it at least a dozen times when I was a child.  Last week, I visited New York's real life version...


Rather than an Oklahoma/Texas style shopping center built all in a line along some major highway, these stores are built one on top of another, right along 116th street and the East River.  Now, East Harlem is not a neighborhood I visit frequently/ever.  But I had to go to Costco for work.  I hate Costco.  Here is why...


I do not understand the point of places like Costco.  I mean, yes, I know that those families with TLC shows and 18 children shop in bulk.  I just think that Costco is everything that's wrong with America.  Why would you possibly need ten dozen eggs, giant rolls of toilet paper, clothing, and a bread maker all from the same place?  At least there is jewelry.


And at least it was an excuse to go to Target.  For as much as I hate Costco, I love Target.  Note to boss...thou shalt not send Katie to Target with the company credit card.  I mean, really...who thought that was a good idea?


So since I had been shopping and had a staff meeting that night, I decided to surprise my staff with a little treat.  I am a good boss...or I at least try to be a good boss.  Now, you should know that rice krispy treats were a staple in our house growing up.  The Chief would make shapes like pumpkins or christmas trees out of the marshmallowy buttery goodness and then we would decorate them with icing.  Think, cookie cake but with rice krispies.  Also, you should know that I love smores.  What's not to love...chocolate, graham crackers, toasted marshmallows.  Enter the smores treats.  

Here's how it went.  

Melt butter.  All good things start here.


Melt marshmallows.


Add golden grahams.


Throw in some mini chocolate chips (or the whole bag if your hand slips like mine did).


Spread in buttered pan while picking out the really good pieces to eat immediately.


Lick spoon.


OMG, delicious people.  Like a campfire treat without the fire...I live in New York City people.  Fires are frowned upon.  So so so good.

Or so I thought.

I rolled up to staff meeting, unveiled the treats, and heard a chorus of complaints.  Seriously.  Here's how that part went...  "Are those marshmallows kosher?"  "Did you use gluten free cereal?"  "I'm a vegetarian, I can't eat that."  And on and on and on.

Dear college women of New York City: I am almost absolutely certain that one smores treat will not kill you.

Now, I'm all for inclusivity, but sometimes it gets a little ridiculous around here.  In a department and job so focused on food for every imaginable event, I am supposed to make sure that the food I order or provide (which is almost always required), meets the following categories:

Kosher
Vegetarian
Vegan
Halal
Gluten Free
Dairy Free
Nut Free
(and some other things I can't think of right now)

People, it is physically impossible to do.  And more importantly, I just don't want to.  I generally eat very healthy food (except for those occasional trips to Max Brenner).  I'm all for helping college students develop healthy eating habits.  But this is ridiculous.  Craziness up here.

And so I gave my smores treats to my friends, who ate every bite.  At least my friends love me.

1 comment:

  1. There are little moments where LA and NYC meet and stores atop stores is one of them. There is so little square footage around where I live - and especially as you head further into hollywood/downtown, that the stores are totally stacked up on top of each other. That being said, there are NO costcos in town. but there are targets and best buys and grocery stores all stacked up on top of each others. (there are also few chain restaurants and aside from those I just mentioned, few other chain stores in town. we have to go at least 12 miles either way just to get Red Robin. seriously.)

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