What Is This Feeling?

Sunday, June 12, 2011


One week down, 181 to go. 

Ok, so that number is an estimate.  I’m told it’s a really, really ambitious estimate.  Coursework takes two years, average dissertation is two-three years. 

But hey, I’m a rock star.

I can make it happen.

It’s the strangest thing, this program and process and new life I am apparently involved in.  I expected to come into this program as a scared, inexperienced, unprepared little kid from the south and be totally blown out of the water by older, more experienced, more important education gurus.  I was sure they would figure me out.  That’s part of why I did all the reading before I arrived.

But the thing it, it’s not like that at all  Not even a little bit. 

I know my stuff.

Not only am I feeling good about it, but I’m kind of wondering if I should feel more challenged.  I scared myself into thinking I would be Elle Woods on that first day of Harvard…you know, the pretty girl without the answers.  :-)

Is that a bad thing, that it doesn’t seem harder?  I know the work load will increase (hello, dissertation), but even that isn’t an issue right now.  I read everything before, I review prior to class, I participate in class, and that’s it.  No stress, no panic. 

Except for stressing about not being stressed.  Maybe I should revisit that Italy idea?

It’s an interesting experience, to say the least.

Here’s the only other unexpected thing…

Class never ends on time.  Not once.  And I don’t mean getting out a few minutes early.  Every single class has ended at least 10 minutes late, if not more.  And no one does a thing about it.  In pretty much any school I’ve attended, worked at, or heard of, students would revolt…get up and leave the moment their iPhones told them to go.  But the students in my cohort don’t even seem to notice.  They just keep on discussing.

Seriously, if people were more like me, I would understand so much more.  But that’s a whole different issue for a whole different day (and maybe therapy, come to think of it!).

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